Where did all of these idiomatic phrases come from? How many do you remember? And apologies for the phallic ones, which were especially popular with my step-father
Happiness:
1. Happy as a clam in a mudbank
2. Happy as a pig in shit
Unhappy:
1. Madder than a wet hen
2. Mad enough to spit nails
3. Mad as a March hare
Capability:
1. Can't carry a tune in a basket
2. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot
3. Dumb as a box of rocks
4. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
5. Not playing with a full deck
Busy:
1. Busier than a one-armed paperhanger
2. Busier than a cat covering up shit
Memory:
1. She can remember things that never even happened
2. Slip one's trolley
Candor:
1. Lying through one's teeth
2. We're using alternative facts
3. (Vulgar) Couldn't say "Shit" if they had a mouthful
If these are your 'thing" chances are you grew up in.a rural environment, maybe even in the South--boy, is that pejorative or what?
Why do I bring this up?
Well, Jenny is MADDER THAN A WET HEN about our HP printers. This is (gasp) blasphemous. She and I both bleed blue, we met at HP, we each worshipped HP, and we have always venerated their goals, not to metntion their products. Until now. She swears, with enthusiasm, I'LL NEVEER BUY ANOTHER HP PRINTER after the series of insults with our current pair.
Start with the fact that if you once signed up for the Automatic Ink Delivery, nothing ever works again. Yes, you get the ink, and a healthy charge. No, you cannot buy ink at Costco or Best Buy or Staples and installit yourself. The machine denies the cartridge even though it is an HP cartridge. and the work-around to get it to accept the cartridge takes thirty minutes, and HP wants $35 to talk to an 'helpful' person. And the machines forget how to do dual-sided printing at their discretion, and forget how to let you scan on occasion (usually only when you urgently need it), and . . . we could go on forever, but . . . .
This stuff all used to work beautifully, reliably, faithfully, and was the best thing since sliced bread. And, it isn't like we aren't good ink customers. Each of us print about 5,000 pages per years--that's known as a 'Ream box", meaning ten reams of paper. That's a lot. I know, I know, not a very wise thing to do for the environment, but . . . . And that's a lot of ink. And we've done something like this for more than 30 years each.
MAD AS A WET HEN
